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Liquid Lunch

by Sandra Neish

The Joint Chiefs are evidently concerned that homosexual service members will start dry-humping random people if allowed to come out of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell closet.  (SENATUS)

Captain Obvious Award:  Faux Noise!  And people wonder why we call Fox News “Faux Noise!”  Here’s your answer:  Roger Ailes and Glenn Beck (and that’s just for starters).  (Crooks and Liars)

Well, here’s today’s Reason to Binge Drink:  the $100 million man from Goldman Sachs – ties in nicely with today’s article on running away from your mortgage. (Gawker)

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Posted on February 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm in Martini/Manhattan Monday, National News   |  RSS feed |   Respond   |   Trackback URL

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4 Responses to “Liquid Lunch”

    
  1. barry knister
    February 2, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Reading mention of Glenn Beck and Roger Ailes leads me to advance a theory I developed when my wife and I were on our way to Florida. Seeing a theory in the making, normally my wife asks me to stop so she can hitch a ride, but this was not workable. We were just then in southern Georgia, reason enough for not stopping, with trusties out along the Interstate, wielding scythes.

    The theory goes like this. Consider how many endomorphs figure among the major players to the right of Louis XIV in the Republican hierarchy. If you don’t know, that’s fine, you’ve been drinking and probably still are, so an endomorph is someone who retains physical attributes of infancy as an adult. Mostly, this relates to baby fat–floppy jowls and cheeks, double chins and flabby bellies, a generalized, blubbery aura.

    Count them up: Mitch McConnell, Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove,Glenn Beck, Roger Ailes, et al. My guess is, as endomorphs they all watched sports from the sidelines all through school. True, some of the largest endomorphs make good linemen, but this can’t have been true for the people in question. So they grew up watching The Big Game, and yearning to beat up all the athletes who got the girls. Not playing sports, they had time to read The National Review and hone their speaking abilities. Still suet-stuffed as adults, they were now free to develop a natural, high-cholesterol taste for dirty tricks and nasty tactics, on the air or in Congress.

    Yes, there is a certain ad hominem quality to my theory, but I don’t think that should be allowed to damage its basic soundness. And make no mistake: the theory is not anti-fat people. Barney Frank is fat, and I like him. Teddy Kennedy was always stout, and excepting Chappaquiddick he was a pretty good guy. No, the theory is just anti-isomorphic right-wingnuts, that’s all. Thank you.

    Reply
  2. barry knister
    February 2, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Correction: at the end of my previous comment, I mistakenly used “isomorphic” instead of “endomorphic.” Isomorphs are people made out of crystals or something, and although there is a hard, crystallized aspect to the opinions of right wingers, the term doesn’t apply. Sorry.

    Reply
  3. Cat Martini
    February 2, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Love the rant! Keep it up! And thanks for the vocab lesson..I intensely dislike putting down my drink to pick up a dictionary and am sure my Bar Flies are the same!

    Reply

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