Sandra Neish
Jack Manhattan
Harvey Wallbanger
Hand me my drink, Bar Flies, cuz the past week calls for a stiff one! From the Massachusetts election to SCOTUS and Citizens United v FEC to Rush Limbaugh to the Democrats to the Republicans, it’s no wonder I need copious amounts of alcohol to wash it all down!
Let’s rattle the ice in our glasses (in lieu of a drum-roll) and announce this week’s winners! Don’t forget to check out Monday’s round-up for the CHUTZPAH ALERT!
Reason to Binge Drink: this week’s award goes to the “conservatives” on the Supreme Court for their decision to sell America to corporations in Citizens United v FEC! Go SCOTUS!
Captain Obvious Award: this one goes to the Democrats for being ball-less wonders and not getting anything done. If the Republicans wanted health care passed, it would already be done.
SUNDAY, 17 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) – why is it always Alaska? – who has been bought and paid for by big energy wants to strip the EPA powers to curtail greenhouse gas emissions. Because it’s always a good idea to screw the planet for a few bucks.
Captain Obvious Award: Senator Evan Bayh (D-Indiana), for telling us what we’ve known all along – Congressional Dems “mistook their mandate.” Really? What are you going to tell us next, that Fox News isn’t really news?
MONDAY, 18 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: The Guantanamo “Suicides.” Trust me when I tell you, you’ll need a few to get through this disturbing article. Torture, murder and military cover-ups sound like a fiction thriller, but they’re also a grim reality.
Captain Obvious Award: The Republican Party, for yet another re-write of history to make themselves look good. Oh, and let’s not forget that W rescued the economy! Really?
CHUTZPAH ALERT!: Those big banks we the people bailed out would like to sue the government over a proposed fee by President Obama – a bank tax. Wow! You get us into a financial crisis, you tank the world economy, we bail you out, and you have the nerve to think of suing us! You should be thanking us, you ungrateful bastards!
TUESDAY, 19 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: The Republicans, for refusing to even try to do their jobs. They truly are the “Party of No.”
Captain Obvious Award: The FBI, for illegal phone record searches. Who didn’t see this coming?
WEDNESDAY, 20 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: Senator-elect Scott Brown (R-Massachusetts), for following in the footsteps of the giant turd sandwich Rush Limbaugh.
Captain Obvious Award: Martha Coakley, for losing in Massachusetts after a practically non-existent campaign and a disdain for mingling with the people. No one is shocked or even mildly surprised.
THURSDAY, 21 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) for its selling off of America to corporations in their decision on Citizens United v FEC. Hand me the pitcher and a straw, this glass isn’t big enough.
Captain Obvious Award: The Democrats for caving, yet again, to the Republicans. Could somebody in the House or Senate borrow Hillary Clinton’s balls?
FRIDAY, 22 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: The Democrats, for not borrowing Hillary’s balls and getting health care reform passed. (Yet, hopefully, yet). If they don’t stop this panty-waist whining, they’re gonna get kicked out of office.
Captain Obvious Award: Fox News for being Faux Noise once again. Wow! Can they get more elementary school playground than this? I especially like the last line of the article – “Putting Americans on the same moral plane as terrorists just doesn’t seem to bother the right as much as it should.”
SATURDAY, 23 January 2010
Reason to Binge Drink: The Republicans, for pushing “family values” when family values are the furthest thing from their pants…I mean, minds.
Captain Obvious Award: Rush Limbaugh for being an anti-Semitic git. As if we didn’t know this already. I know I said Reason to Binge Drink, but let’s face it, it’s more Captain Obvious.
